Politics and Life of a High Schooler
Monday, May 10, 2004
Socially Oriented Random Musings
I wonder some times, why do I write in here at all? It appears to me that (not to make a gross rediculous over-exaggeration or anything) all high school students live the same lives. Reading over my alleged friends webjournals recently has lead me to this conclusion. At times I feel like they are stealing my thougts and writing about them as their own. As someone who tries not to follow the stereotypes and to stand out a bit in a crowd, it bothers me to know that I am much more similar to everyone else than I trick myself into believing. This is not because I think I am better than anyone (except republicans), or worse, for that matter, just because I want to be different.
But to elaborate on the use of a term in the above paragraph which many of you probably simply over-looked: "Alleged friends". I use the term "alleged friends" whenever I am talking to someone who would not fall into that category or would not regularly converse with someone in that category. But examine your relationship with me, reader. Are we really friends? Or are we merely acquaintances? A friend is someone you can trust. A friend is someone you can turn to. A friend is someone who will be there for you regardless of how shitty a day he or she may be having. A friend is a weighty term, not to be taken lightly. An acquaintance is anyone else. So I ask again, are you my friend? Do you want to be? Day by day, I feel the number in the "friend" category declining while the number in the "friendly acquaintance" category grows. "Friendly acquaintance" is the term most similar to what I mean by "alleged friend". I wish I had less of those, and more real friends. But perhaps I should be careful what I wish for.
In other news, I have come to a conclusion it has taken me all to long to come to. I need to move on. I now have the sole requirement, and I will have completed the process of moving on by mid-Thursday. It may sound silly, but that is a promise. My mind works in unique ways.
Camp is way to far away. I am so sick of this stinky rotten hell-hole. I need college to start like tomorrow. The school year drones on, and, despite having a more active social life of late, the more I do, the more I socialize, the more I do things which I enjoy the most, the more disinterested I become. I feel myself in social situations talking and laughing, having a jolly good time, but what I am feeling at times is just a miserable-ness, and a wanting to flee the situation forever. Not always do I feel this way, but often enough to frighten me.
I wish I could end this entry on a happy note, say something uplifting, or even something half interesting. But nothing comes to mind, so I will leave you with a reference only one person will understand, and that person will never even read this entry anyways.
"Now, is that the rules as stated by the 'Superdogs! Superjocks! Senate Governing Council,' or by Will Gaunt?"
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Yet Untitled Poem
Stare at the clock
and I don't know the time
take a walk around the block
and I feel like a mime
trapped inside this dungeon of silence
thinking no speaking
reaching no feeling
floating above
and sinking below
but never on a level plane
Do you have an idea what it means? I am not even positive myself. It represents my mood though, I know that much. Do you have a potential title for it? If you can answer either questions, IM me, or talk to me in school.
JMAL
Sunday, May 02, 2004
Prom
This is the entry which will be filled with my thoughts on the prom, on time as promised. I will begin this entry with a comparison which will at first seem so far beyond random that many of you will be tempted to give up all hope for this entry and consider not reading further. However, the comparison works, to a point, and if you bear with it, the entry will begin to make more sense. I begin with this comparison because my mind works in comparisons and analogies, and this seems a good way of getting to my main point (and if this part starts to bore you, about half-way through the "Blog" I switch gears and begin to write a less-instructional, more-fun part, so dont tune out, just skip down to that). Here it is:
I ask all future prom-goers, not just this years prom-goers, but anyone who ever plans on attending a prom, to compare the prom to the Jewish holiday of passover in one small way. That small way is thus, during the passover seder (ceremony), it is customary to read a part called "the four questions". The so-called "four questions" are actually four answers to one question (how it got the name i cannot tell you), and the questions is "what makes this night different from all other nights?" I will not bore you with the answers to the passover question. However, I believe that everyone would have a better time at prom if they checked their expectations a bit by asking themselves this question, "what makes prom night different from all other nights?"
First their is the obvious answer, "it is the prom, duh!" Then the equally useful answers of "you get to dress up all fancy" and "you get to ride in a limo." But seriously, take a moment to ponder, what is substantially different about prom night? The weekend following the friday night will still be two days long, you still have school on the day of prom, the sun will still set at the usual time.
Now, I am not trying to be a damper on all of your prom experiences, just trying to remind everyone that prom is not going to be perfect. You will likely, and hopefully, have a wonderful time and create plenty of memories, and I intend to try and have the best night possible. Just remember though that there is no fairy g-dmother making you perfect and curing all your flaws for the night. If there is someone you have not liked since the third grade (I'm sure some of you are probably thinking of me when you read that part), odds are they are not going to magically become your favorite person in the world because it is prom night. I would recommend you avoid that person for the night instead of hoping for a miracle to happen (I feel as though I may have just asked the entire grade to avoid me for a night, oops). In this age, movies and media glorify and hype prom to a point where it is almost impossible to have a night that meets the expectations. Lesser your expectations a small bit, and then you can have a great time and NOT be dissapointed that it wasn't all you'd hoped it be.
Ok, enough of that part. I'm starting to annoy even myself with it.
The story of prom, according to me:
The child enters elementary school. The child is bewildered by all the new experiences, and knows not what to make of it. In time the child adjusts, and even becomes bored with his once-overwhelming surroundings. In time, the experience know to you as "kindee-garten" (which you are for years unclear as to whether it is spelled with a "t" or a "d" in the middle) comes to a close, and the ignorant young child goes off and plays with the "summer".
The experience is repeated for first grade, second grade, and third grade, and fourth grade begins in a very similar way. One day, during the middle of the time known to you as the "fourth grade", which you are now educated enough to proficiently spell, you first hear the word. It is said by one of the students with an older sibling. It is brought up in passing, and at the time you do not realize the significance that the moment that has just taken place will come to hold in your life. The word is just spat out, gone almost before it was even said, and after only one question, the request to define the strange word, the topic is dropped in favor of the battle for the swing which has just opened up. With the most minimal amount of knowledge on the topic "prom is a dance for big kids," the day goes by, and then the month, and finally the year too ends like all school seasons prior. The most likely scenario is that you do not even hear the word again until you enter middle school. But yet, you wonder about it, think about it, a simple word, but said in such a not simple way. Your fascination with the word is equitable with Lyra's fascination with the word "dust" after she first hears it sitting in the closet listening to her uncle speak on the topic. But you do not remember the word well enough to ask anyone all the new questions forming in your mind. You just lie awake and think, and know that someday, all the required knowledge will be yours, and you long for that day.
Middle school comes and Middle school goes, and, while you are now more familiar with the word and the topic, you are still relatively ignorant. All you know as you leave the school is that you go with a date and you dress up fancy for the event. And in your own mind the best part is, everyone goes in a limo! That is the extent to the facts you have learned. However, while you cannot explain the feeling, you now understand that you cannot ask any questions directly on the topic, especially when out of the blue, for that would make you seem dumb, and below the learning curve, less informed than all of your peers. You feel limited to one or two questions per time when the topic is being discussed, and it would be fo paux for you to bring up the conversation yourself.
Finnally high school. You are now old and wise, big and strong. Or at least so the freshman thinks. While generally disliked by upperclassmen simply for their existance and the way in which they crowd the halls and the dinning room, they feel as though freshman get an unfair bad rap, and that their grade is better than the usual frosh grade. In time they will learn. But as the year progresses, so does their knowledge of "the prom". They learn that they can take whomever they want, be their date in their grade, in their school, or otherwise. They learn that often enough people take attractive seniors who they have almst never talked to. The freshman male dreams of this, and while starring from the freshman section into the senior section, they dream of the joy that would be taking one of those beautiful wonders. Prom would be their chance! They learn that the guy pays for everything (except the girl's dress), and they learn of "late night" and after-parties. By the end of freshman year, they have learned all the essentials.
Sophmore year, further education. Learning the more minute details. You are introduced to the concept of "prom rush", where one day it is still WAY too early to ask anyone, and exactly one week later if you don't have a date yet you are in trouble. Through your upper-classmen friends, you learn about choosing your date. The male ceases his fantasization of taking the pretty senior, realizing that it is better to go with someone you have spoken to a few times in your life (and that introducing yourself to the same person five times does not count towards that requirement, especially when they have forgotten you each and every time). By the end of sophmore year, there is little that you do not know.
Junior year=your year! By the end of october you have at least once thought about who you might take, knowing all the while you still have more than half a year to wait. And then, before you know it, it is february. No one has their dates yet, but prom is a constant topic of discussion. Some limos are planned now. You start to seriously think about who you want to take, knowing that once "prom rush" hits, you will be very pressed for time. March, you have your date. By the end of the month, most of you have your limo. You have tentative plans for your post-prom festivities. Mid-March to the end of April - virtually all of 2005 gets arrested for one thing or another. Due to this, your post-prom plans change, either to staying in because you have been grounded, or to going somewhere else. Also by the end of the month most girls have their dresses purchased, and are looking for their shoes. They have their manicures and hair appointments made. As far as learning about prom, what you don't know yet, you will learn while you are there, everyone is now to hectic about finalyzing their plans and fixing their limo- and table- drama to teach you anything new. Add SATs to that mix, and half the grade is dangerously close to having a panic attack, hyperventalating, or a stress-caused seizure. AP tests are on the minds of some, making the stress level even healthier.
Soon prom will be upon us, and gone before we know it. Seniors will graduate, and we will finally not have to walk a quarter of a mile to and from our cars each morning and afternoon. Junior year will close, and the long awaited summer will be upon us.
Well, Thats all I have on this topic. I hope you enjoyed my annecdote. I wish everyone a happy prom, and remind them that the goal of prom is to be fun, not to cause drama with your friends (make love not war). With that, I'm out. Hope you all enjoyed it. Peace
JMAL
