An Explanation
My most recent "Blog" entry was entitled, "Losing Hope is Easy..." The most important portion of that title was the part which has appearantly been overlooked my most of my "Blog" readers. The relevent portion of that title was the "..." The reason for this is that it is a quote from a song which I really like." The "dot dot dot" was meant to symbolize the next line of the song, the line whose meaning was closer to the actual purpose of the "Blog" entry, and more symbolic of how I was feeling at the time. The line reads: "Losing hope is easy, when your only friend is gone." At the time of that "Blog" entry, I felt as though I had lost an extremely close friend, and that it might as well have been my only friend the way I was feeling. Especially as, since I am someone who has always been somewhat limited in the "friends" category (I take the meaning of that word seriously, and I have far too many acquaintances, and far too few actual friends), the loss of a close one was a large loss. When Sarah had said that we should remain friends, I took it as a formality which comes often with breaking up with someone, and a formality which should subsequently be ignored and forgotten. I have since been relieved to realize that she was serious when she made that commitment, and it has been a commitment she has "made good on". But I digress... The main purpose of this entry is what the title would make you believe, to explain something, in this case, the title of the last entry.

I would like to appologize to those of you who care and try to read my "Blog" regularly, for lately I have been writing relatively rarely. I do not intend for this trend to continue, and I would like to return to making about two posts a week. However, of late, I have had several obligations which have required massive amounts of time to deal with, making regular posting a bit of a challenge (such as pulling my 47 Math grade up to a B, being hospitalized in the end of March for several days, Crew practice every day from after school until I get home at about 6:30, and massive amounts of reading and make up work for English and Physics, respectively). Yesterday I managed to finally respond to some month-old emails, and now I finally have enough time to make some serious substantial entries (and katycrewkaty, I have not forgotten about you, I will get to your email, but it is at the bottom of my inbox which is cronologically ordered, and once I get down to it, it will finally be responded to, only about 8 months later, but I promise I will get to it eventually I want you to know).

I intend on writing a relatively lengthy entry in the very near future about the Prom. It is possible that it will be posted as soon as later today, or as late as this or possibly even next sunday, but look for that entry to come.
- posted by Alex @ 4/28/2004 01:52:00 PM

 
"Losing Hope is Easy..."
Break ups are interesting. Since the title of this "Blog" is one half "the life of a high schooler," I feel as though I am obliged to write on this topic. For, as you may or may not know, Sarah and I experienced a break up yesterday.

I liken breaking up to getting a flu shot. You know that it is coming for at least a day in advance, and spend every second of that day dreading that which you know is inevitable. Yet, despite its inevitability, you still hope and think that, some how, you will talk your parents out of making you get the shot, or in this case, you know that there is no possible way to avoid breaking up, but you still try and plan your ways of avoiding it. In the end, however, all avoidance tactics are destined to fail, for once you know that the break up is coming, or that tomorrow is flu clinic day, you have passed the point of no return. Also, you spend the entire day dreading the pending event, and the closer it gets, the worse you know it is gonna be. But then it happens. Boom, done in a matter of seconds. Irreversible, and not nearly as bad as you expected it to be. It was not that painful, not that challenging, the worst part of the ordeal was the anticipation.

The break up made it all official, but I never cared too much for titles. We were not together, we had separated before then, yesterday just made it official, it made everything a little more clear.

During lunch, we were discussing relationships (we being Ashley, Nursey, and myself), and they were both convinced of two things: every relationship is better than the one before; and that you learn something new from every relationship. I would have to say that this relationship was definately better than my previous relationships. As far as the what I have learned, that is a hard question. I have, I would say, refined and made more clear my "ideal girl" in my head, but not really anything substantial. I have learned that I do not have the control over my own mind, over my thoughts and emotions, that I thought and wished I had, however I do not believe that is the type of thing which they were talking about when they said that I had learned something. Therefore, I do not believe I have yet learned whatever lesson Sarah was supposed to teach me yet, so I guess I will have to continue thinking about it.

Then there is the prom problem. I was going to go to prom with Sarah. Now, I do not know. What I would like to do is wait like 2 or more weeks and decide then, but prom is four weeks away, and I cannot be asking someone else on that short notice (two weeks, not enough time). Therefore a decision must be made with haste, which I do not like to do. Whatever though, I'll figure it out.

Those are my current thoughts about break ups. More may be posted in the future, who knows.

On a happier note, I just found my Washington Crew t-shirt. That is the greatest news I have had in weeks, because it is my favorite t-shirt, and it had been missing for months. I'm literally extatic about this right now. But thats all I have time for, I must get some sleep before my erg test tomorrow. Wish me luck on that.

JMAL
- posted by Alex @ 4/14/2004 07:34:00 PM

 
A Question
If you are pretending to be happy when you really are not, are you not simply living a lie?

(see entry Feb., 23, 2004, PPG 4-5)

"The greatest weapon would be a crystal ball"
- posted by Alex @ 4/11/2004 07:59:00 PM