Politics and Life of a High Schooler
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Friday Night, So cool.
You make me think. You make me analyze my friendships, and listen to lyrics. I hate you. I don’t know why you can’t leave me alone. You aren’t even talking to me and you can’t leave me alone. WTF mate? That doesn’t even make sense as a sentence. I don’t get you. I don’t understand why you can be so great and suck so much. I met you two months and 4 days ago. You were perfect for almost exactly half of that. Beautiful, thoughtful, energetic, passionate. “I’m going to kiss him now”. One of my favorite moments in life to date. It encapsulated everything I liked about you. Your forwardness, your enthusiasm, your lust for me. You were beautiful, despite wearing clothes that accentuated aspects of you I did not particularly care for, which didn’t even really fit you. You had no makeup on. You were, for that instant, perfect. And for a month you were terrible. You were everything I hate in people. Illusive, dishonest, not forthright. You took advantage of my forgiveness and giving nature. You put in no effort, and all your actions were aimed at making sure I remembered you exist, none at growing, or even preserving, or even slowing the decay, of a friendship. You texted me while I was asleep everyday for a week and a half after we broke up. The first few days of that I trusted you. You were dumb, (“whoever you end up with is going to be so lucky” “unsurprisingly, it seems you have made a new friend”) but what did it matter. You had made up your mind, and there was no changing that. I worked to devise a plan to get you back, assuming I would continue to see you. Alas, with no interaction, no such plan could be put into motion. At one point, I carried in my back pocket for a week a printed sheet of paper which had on it all the points I wanted to remember to discuss with you should I have ever gotten the chance. I can see that sheet now, still folded into quarters under a towel and some tickets on my desk. But I never saw you. Its moment has passed. I wanted to defend my honor, explain to you my sexuality which you missed, among some other points I would have to unfold the paper to see, but without the opportunity, what did it matter. Now we don’t even talk, so defending my honor is the least of my worries.
“I knew before you did”
Why do I care. Why did you end so abruptly. How did I fuck this up. Friday night. That’s how. I felt it die with the simple throw away sentence, “you never let me do anything”. I knew it was over then, but didn’t want to believe it. Then I changed your facebook, and it was a done deal at that point. But who gives a fuck. I’m still attractive to plenty of people. I have dated since you. She was boring. Only cute through the right lenses.
I walked by you once fall semester on my way to class. I didn’t know you, but I waved and you waved back. The next several classes, I made sure to be in that region at that exact same time, and to walk slowly, to maximize possibility of running into you again. That is why this bothers me the most. I wanted you long before I knew you. It was so storybook, so right.
My dad has more game than me. He doesn’t have the ability to charm a girl or get a random hookup, but he could get a girlfriend. He did with my mom. He was a sophomore, and he wouldn’t show her where one of her classes was when he was giving her a tour, so that she would need him to walk him there. I would never think to do it, let alone be able to.
I am upfront and intense. You were too. You even liked that in me. It is one thing to have chemistry, that happens often enough. But to have chemistry and craziness, and then to throw it away, that’s a pretty tough blow.
I don’t have to analyze if I am smarter than you or not. You think I am smarter than you. My thoughts are thereafter irrelevant. That was not something I had realized before you. Most people, I believe, don’t look at a person and first consider who is more intelligent, unless there is a very large disparity. They consider who is more attractive, but that is it. You go beyond that, and I used to. But with you thinking I am smarter than you, that is a crushing blow to us having a relationship. You are not mature enough to have a relationship partner smarter than you are. You are too insecure about intellect.
But I don’t even want you. “You never loved me, you loved the idea of me.”/”But you were such a great idea.” You are hot, but you can be ugly if I want you to be. You are very fake, much more so than you want to believe. You consciously pucker your lips when talking to people, even girls you aren’t threatened by. It is like an animal who puffs his chest in the wild, you are trying to assert your dominance over her, regardless of the fact that you don’t need to. She knows you win, you know you win, and there isn’t even a competition taking place. Very superficial, very indicative of your insecurities. You are manipulative. I use manipulation only as a means of revenge or when I feel it is either directly or potentially beneficial to someone else’s wellbeing. You manipulate me to feel better about yourself. You made sure I think of you, even when you had no intention of actually talking to me. Hence the IMs and texts, but no phone calls or lunches. I think giving you credit for asking to lunch with me when you should have known I was in class is even a stretch. You manipulate your friends to make sure they do what you want. You manipulate boys at parties to make your presence known, to assert your dominance over other women at parties. You manipulate the hosts to earn “VIP status” to assert your dominance. You never learned that high school was over. My roommates don’t like you. They overreacted to you, but you did behave somewhat inappropriately. They don’t like anyone I bring back to the room. Never have, not sure why.
You have made me realize how discontent I am with these current friends. Connor is dumb and manipulates Camie. Ross is annoying, judgmental, hypocritical, and doesn’t realize that he is in any way any of these things. Camie can’t handle anything that isn’t perfectly to her liking. John and Jeremy are strained at best. Brett can be good, but I don’t think he is inherently a good enough person. Mike is great, but moody and emotional, and randomly gets upset with me for reasons I don’t understand and he is unwilling to divulge. Whenever I think of this, it comes from thinking of you in some manner. The discussion with them, where they flip a shit because you flipped the eye-hole, is awful and ridiculous. They get so mad about it, and don’t realize that if they hadn’t seen you do it, they would never even have known. It was easy to fix, no harm, no foul. They can’t process that. They are never wrong. Even when they are. I occasionally say “no, you are right, I was wrong.” They never do. But I am right more than them. Look at the board, I have more wins than most of them do contests at all, and I have fewer losses than all of them. I am willing to back it up, and when I do, I am usually right. All of my losses came last year, it should be noted. See, smooth transition from you, to them. It doesn’t make sense in the abstract, but it is there.
You make me wonder if my standards are too high. I am unhappy because I expect too much of people. But if I lower my standards, I will be displeased with the actions of those around me. I do not want to lower my standard for honesty. I’d rather be unhappy than feel as though I cannot trust those who matter. And I am unhappy only because of how small the list is of “those who matter”.
What bothers me a lot is that you should be on that list. It’s all there. You have the ability. You have the personality characteristics. You have everything required to make it onto that list. But you choose not too. You choose to value the superficial more. You choose to care more about being prettier and proving that you are smarter than everyone else. You choose not to realize that no one is doubting that you are these things. No one cares that you are 4th in the grade. Honestly. No one. People will value you much more for being a nice person. I have never heard someone say seriously “I love that so and so, she was in the top five in her college class”. I have heard someone say “I love that Betsy, I always feel like she is being herself with me, she seems so real, so legitimate”. People may comment when describing you that “and she is fourth in her class”. But that is a descriptive characteristic, not a reason to enjoy your company. And in the long run, you will get a lot more from people who enjoy your company than people who are moderately impressed by your accomplishments. I’m not saying don’t do well in school, don’t try hard. I am saying don’t try hard because you think you benefit from beating Johnny. Most people don’t even put their GPA on their transcript.
And no one thinks you aren’t pretty. Stop trying so hard. I say that Smush girl yesterday. She looked like shit. She was just trying way too fucking hard. People get enough bullshit everyday. They don’t need you to give them any more.
You make me think about my friends from camp. I love camp. Camp has kids, it has friends, it has honesty. There is no murder and travesty at camp (knock on wood). I cried for two hours because some people got kicked out. Intense sobbing, so much that I got a bit dehydrated by the end of it. They got kicked out. They are allowed back the following summer. That is a camp travesty. The world sucks. It is mean and unforgiving and terrible and tragic. Camp is forgiving, loving, kind, and beautiful. During the summer, I tend to be as sexually fulfilled as I want to be, as I usually have what can be described best as a hookup buddy. But that is not what matters. What matters is that I have Sez and Phil. Phil and I didn’t speak for half the summer, but we still cried together when Matt got kicked out, and we still lamented at the Saxons drinking on camp together. That is friendship. When you can not talk for that long, but still have each others back completely, no matter how wrong the other one may be. I have kids who look up to me, and I am outside every day running around.
You make me think about smoking pot. I like it because it releases me from all these thoughts. I can only think about one thing at a time. I don’t have these 80 levels going on simultaneously. But there is a lot I don’t like. I don’t like my eyes looking red the following morning, and the droopy feeling that comes with that. I don’t like using a substance that much. I don’t like the way my roommates react to me being high. They judge and don’t understand, and don’t even try to. They don’t listen. They never listen. To anyone or anything. They say what they want, and think what they already thought, and no one can change that in them.
You don’t make sense. I can find you ugly. You are fake. You do not know that high school is over. You have some of the most unappealing qualities I believe can exist in a person. Including a lack of thoughtfulness. You do not consider how your actions or words would be interpreted by a person not privy to your entire life and your thoughts and feelings. You do not realize that other people will always read the situation differently than you do. So incredibly undesirable. But yet, I can’t stop thinking of you, and I would take you back in a heartbeat if you wanted it. You don’t have to be all these things, and you aren’t always these things to everyone. When I was a priority of yours, I saw that you have the ability to be thoughtful and considerate. When I ceased to be a priority, I saw just how undesirable you could make yourself. But knowing that the possibility is there, it enables me to still want you sometimes. And someday you will learn, as everyone does, that high school is over. Your biggest flaws, as I seem them, are inherently temporary. That makes it harder than it would be otherwise. And since I don’t love my friends, ignoring that they don’t like you is easy. That they don’t like you may even make me want you more because it makes you seem more unattainable, and it is me spiting them like I usually am unable to. But that is not something I have thought about that much, and it is not something I care about. They value much different things than I do, I do not need their approval. And besides, mike would like you if he had to, and he is the only one who matters.
You are trustworthy. That hurts me. You will tell Kaity most things. Wait a second you aren’t trustworthy. No, she isn’t trustworthy. She asked you, fully knowing I did not want her to know. She is the one more at fault there than you. You take some blame, but not a lot. Did you know 2 friends of mine have lost their virginity with a condom I gave them. Yes, I have condoms. I keep them in my backpack and next to my bed. Not in my wallet. I don’t want to be fucking people if I don’t see it coming that much, that’s just not who I am. So either it will be in my room, or I will make sure to take my bag with me if that can be inconspicuous. If I have to I will take it out of the bag. I usually just decide towards the last minute that I don’t want to. Those who have propositioned me to date have been people I didn’t care about nearly enough, and sometimes it takes until about the last second for me to realize that. Yes, I have been naked with a girl who was naked before. I lied and said I didn’t have a condom. I had one in my right front pocket that night. She was 26 and British. Not my cup of tea. Get it? Most other times some of my clothes were on when I made the decision not to. But back on topic, I can talk to you, you will listen, and respond how I want you to respond without me telling you how to respond. That is nice, and hard to replace. Ie, I have no one else who I can say that about.
I have now written four pages about you. Add that to what I wrote last time, and you have somewhere between 6 and 8 pages. That is a lot, and it is annoying. I don’t want you to let me go. I want you to acknowledge that you made a mistake.
Since I met you, something has happened to me that has never happened before, twice. I was turned down for a position I applied for. RA and UGBC. That is clearly not your fault, but all the more reason to be miserable. I used to at least say I had my extracurriculars.
“Still I’m the one who’s stupid”
I don’t regret anything I have said to you since we broke up. I regret telling you about my month long sabbatical, but that is about it. What I said this week needed to be said. It was not me telling you not to talk to me. It was asking you to be fair with me. I would rather we do remain friends. I don’t have too many, and I see a lot of potential in you. I also do not understand why we are not together as I write this, but perhaps that is a topic for another day.
Earlier I hoped I would be in state for your birthday, and that I would see you on it. I am now very glad I will have been in NH for a week come June 15.
I know you had sex with Bosworth over Easter. That’s kind of annoying. That is really my only thoughts on that matter.
I am completely insatiable when I like someone. That is not common for me, as it has only really happened with Laura, SS, you, and maybe Lizzie. I am not horny for horniness’ sake. I am horny for passionate kisses. Not ones that are forced because I want to get to the end result. But I am far from asexual, as you seem to think I am. I don’t enjoy hookups that much when I don’t care for the person involved. Hence, me not going for too many random hookups, and not caring so much if I go a while without. But when I like a girl, that’s when it is different. I know you say you are horny, and you say you had sex 9 times in three days. Don’t care. I promise you I would still have been looking for number 10. Because I liked you, and didn’t just want your body. Emotion is what turns me on. And I could never stop once turned on. I tried to explain this to you once, but you weren’t listening. I sometimes wonder if your were listening then, would we still be together. If the reasons you gave me for why we broke up were true, I think we would be. But I don’t think they were legitimate. Maybe you believed them, but that doesn’t make them the real reason. I think you were bothered by believing that I was more intelligent than you. I don’t even know if that is the case. But I think you think it is, and that is what matters in this scenario. That was what I believe was the primary cause.
“That’s when I knew”
Your new friend Olivia is one of those girls who eats breakfast at Lower on random school days. Sketches me out. I see her everywhere. She is prettier in pictures than real life. I have never met a whole group of friends who are prettier in pictures than life.
I’m winding down. I have been writing here for almost two hours, although for writing this much, that is actually a very quick pace. I just want you to decide you made a mistake. You do not even have to want to fix it.
"And there is this burning
...
I've never been so alone
And I
I've never been so alive"
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Life Lessons from "Grid lock"
I enjoy playing online puzzle games. Personally, I tend to prefer the "puzzle games" from ebaum's world. However, regardless of your procrastination from of choice, I think that there are great life lessons to be learned from how a person approaches their favorite game. Ok, maybe not great life lessons, but lessons nonetheless.
I'll jump right to my point, because I think that this is something I can explain better with an example than vague descriptions:
I am playing this game (off ebaum's world's puzzle games) "Grid lock". If you have never played it, it consists of a number of different length rectangles that are in a large square. Some pieces only move up and down, others only move left and right. The objective is to move the pieces around within the square until you have given the blue rectangle a clear pathway out of the gridlock. Fun game. You should try it if you ever read this. Anywho, the lower levels are relatively easy and somewhat repetitive, but as you get up there, they get pretty challenging. I was on one level for over an hour (not in a row, but on and off between TV, facebook, etc). I find that when I focus on a hard level for a long time in a row, I get stuck. I repeat the same moves attempt after attempt, and make very little progress. I was on one level for 15 minutes straight, made almost no progress. I look away, give it some time, forget about it for a while. When I went back to the game at the next ad, I solved it immediately. Sometimes, all a game like that needs is just a break. Forget about it, do something else for a little bit, and come back to it when you feel like it, and all of a sudden you have it figured out.
I think the implied parrallel to life and relationships is pretty clear. It is the obvious answer, just not the easiest to accept. When having a problem in life, one that you cant solve immediately, sometimes it just takes a little time, and a little break, to figure it all out. It seems like a pretty obvious statement, but it took me playing this simple online game to realize it.
Strange as it may sound, I think that one can actually learn a lot about life or themselves by analyzing their approaches to video games (or board games, etc). (Let it be noted that in writing this I feel like a really fat kid trying to defend spending his entire life playing Zelda on Game Cube or something. That is not what I am attempting to accomplish with this post, I am more aiming at creating self-realization through approaches to competitive or challenging activities of pleasure). I have found other interesting parrallels between my attitudes towards certain facets of life and my approaches to strategy games. Games like these are created to be challenging undertakings of pleasure. The ways in which one approaches challenges which they choose to undertake, as opposed to challenges they are assigned for one reason or another, can be extremely telling of the inner workings of their personality, or they can explain to you basic life lessons which you probably should have known anyways, but chose to ignore.
This might be rambling and poorly written, but sometimes its hard to clearly explain what I mean.
Friday, April 06, 2007
For Serious?
Damnit Woman. I even hear your voice when I am successfully doing things to not think about you.
I purposefully stop myself from doing things that would make me think of you, and all I can hear is your voice saying "you don't let others help you, and you don't let you help yourself."
Well, at least I am right, and allowing me to help myself. That doesn't count for anything though, does it?
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Well, I'm not in High School anymore...
So, It has been a short while.
I did not abandon you careful readers who still check daily for my next words of thought. I merely wanted to make sure that my much anticipated return would be worthwhile enough to quench your by now well-developed thirst. AKA I had nothing to say and/or no desire to post anything. If anyone other than Jonah actually still checks this thing, I would amazed. And to you Jonah, I appreciate the loyalty.
So, I return here today out of lack of knowing where else to go. Writing shit down seems more productive than mindlessly trying to create a new playlist on itunes, and so here I will leave my thoughts as they regard to a certain individual. Since no one reads this, I feel as though I can confidently write freely about my true thoughts. However, just in case, I have left out the name of the individual primarily referred to throughout the post.
Here it goes.
All these words you say haunt me. My sister tells me to watch TV. I hear your voice, telling me I got the worst combination of my parent’s personality traits. Not in an Alex-you-suck-you-inherited-the-wrong-traits type of way, in a you-are-better-to-the-world-but-worse-for-your-own-peace-of-mind type of way. Ilyse watches TV and hears the TV. I watch the TV and process goings-on of the TV show, but I hear you moaning under Bosworth’s body. Not a pleasant noise, quite frankly. It doesn’t sound like love, which is good at least, but it sounds like harsh, brutal release of emotions. If that doesn’t make sense, nothing else I say will, so, sucks for you I guess.
I try to do as many things at once as possible. Listen to one song, read the lyrics of another, and brainstorm songs that might fit my newest playlist title all at once. I go through periods where I successfully forget what it is that I am trying to forget, but then Ilyse comes in, and says something to remind me, or Laura IMs me telling me to not think about you. Sweet deal. Easy enough right. Just forget. Easy as pie. Pie takes hours to cook. Not so easy, when it comes down to it.
You don’t make sense, frankly. You giggle still. I understand you being afraid of sending mixed messages, and me telling you to not worry about that. I was serious when I said I didn’t want you to worry about how you were acting around me. I wanted that for two reasons. One, at least one of us needs to be in our natural state when we are together in order for anything to work. I can attempt to work off of your comfort, and we can be back like friends again. But if we both come into it out of our element, me wanting you, and you being afraid of confusing me, then no friendship survives. That is the worst-case scenario. You enjoy me because you are comfortable around me. You lose that, then I am not worth anything to you.
Reason two gets to what you would describe as the more manipulative side of me. I wanted you to act as you feel, so I can get a better idea what is actually going on in your head. If you are confused, I want to know that. If you like me still, I want to know that. If you don’t like me still, I want to know that. I want to see what you are in your purest state; I don’t want the sugarcoated version, or the side of you that is aimed at giving me peace of mind.
But now we are back to where we started, you did as I asked of you. You didn’t worry about mixed messages, and acted on your impulses and emotions. Good.
But that causes problems for me. You, it would appear, don’t know what you want. I have an idea, a theory, but when don’t I? I do always think I know everything. Knowing everything can include knowing that you don’t know, but for me it is only half knowing that I don’t know. The other half attempts to come up with the most plausible theory. Occum’s Razor (Ms Jones, I hope you are proud, I think in terms of this guy solely because of your influence).
And so I hear your voice, telling me I have my father’s thought and analysis, but lack his ability to not care. I have my mother’s sociality and awareness of social situations, but she doesn’t have my constant over-analysis, and I lack her ability to open up to people, and get it off of my proverbial chest.
It is actually kind of impressive, you can haunt me while you are haunting me. My attempts to not think about you are interrupted by you. I succeed at not thinking about you, but only to think of you in a different manner, thereby failing my original goal. Talk about a paradox.
Now, I recognize that, despite what I think was a relatively well written beginning of this rant, the last couple of paragraphs became a little bit more free-flowing, and hence, probably harder to follow. Oh well. For this I am sorry in my most often used meaning of the word, ie, “I truly regret that you feel this way, and I empathize, but I will do nothing to fix the problem.”
So you have taken over my thought processes on now multiple levels, and two tangents from my original main point are both about you. Well played, madam.
So those are my thoughts for the afternoon. I will now go back to my failing attempts at removing you from my thought.
Monday, November 29, 2004
Laura is a Princess
Hey all. Sorry for the lack of posts of late. Two major reasons for said lackage... First, I have been very busy with school crew health etc. Second, I don't really have anything to say. Well, I have a few things to say, but the only important one cannot be spoken of, which is why I have nothing to say. Ok, that sounded like something Laura would say. Straigh up though, the only purpose of this post is to say simple that...
LAURA IS A PRINCESS
Also, while we are on the topic, Rooney is an incredible band.
peace
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
It Is Time For Him To Go
This entry is about only one thing: Terry “McAweful” McAuliffe
In the NBA, if the Sacramento Kings were to face the LA Clippers in the playoffs, a blowout would be predicted, and a win would be expected. It is the only part of the season that matters. If the Kings were to lose the the Clippers in this series, the Kings’ head coach would be in some serious trouble. He might get fired on the spot. He may be given a second chance do to his other successes. But if the Kings face the Clippers again the next year in the playoffs with the same result, the chance of the Kings’ head coach keeping his job would be next to none. And should he be allowed to keep his job, the Kings’ management would be heckled and harassed until it finally let the coach go. It doesn’t matter if the average attendance rose or the team did well in the regular season, you play the game to win the championship, and a two consecutive losses against the same opponent, when you are the more skilled and talented team, at the only time when it really counts, is simply inexcusable.
Someone ought to inform the DNC (Democratic National Committee) of this.
Let us take a look back at the year 2000, one which most democrats try hard to forget. While the presidential loss was upsetting, the election was not a total waste. The Democrats managed to pick up four senate seats to gain control of the senate by the most narrow majority, they gained two seats in the house to cut into the Republicans hold of that legislative body, and they gained one governorship. While the presidential loss was a blow to the party, the Democrats’ gains in the legislature and governorships were extremely helpful.
2001, Eager to erase the memory of the presidential election of 2000, the DNC appoints a new chairman, Terry McAuliffe. McAuliffe modernizes the party’s grassroots campaigns, and he reduces the entire debt of the DNC, both hugely important improvements (these improvements correspond to the increase in average attendance in the metaphor above).
2002 Was the midterm elections. Typically, the president’s party loses legislative seats during midterm elections. Typically, the governing party loses legislative seats when the economy is tanking and showing no signs of improvement. However, under McAuliffe, the Republicans were able to prevent these elections from falling into the category of typical. Oh wait, never mind, McAuliffe isn’t the head of the Republican party, that is just the party which benefits from his leadership. Despite the miserable economic conditions and the other factors which usually cause a governing party to lose seats in the midterm elections, the Democrats are the party that loses two senate seats and eight congressional seats. The Republicans now control all three or the major governing body’s. Due to his successes in other areas, the DNC decides to let him try again in the 2004 election.
So now it is 2004, and an unpopular president with an approval rating below 50% is running for reelection. The majority of the country thinks that the country is heading in the wrong direction. The majority of the country thinks that, if the president should be reelected, that the next four years should not be the same as the last four. Despite all of these indicators which spell doom for an incumbent, George W Bush wins. And to compound that loss, the democrats lose 4 senate seats and 4 congressional seats. Even if you do not count the Republican winning the seat vacated by retiring Georgian Zell Miller (he should have changed parties long ago, for he rarely ever agreed with the Democratic party line) as a loss, then the republicans still gained 3 seats in the election. In the two elections since good ol’ McAuliffe took over, the democrats have lost control of the senate, lost a presidential election that all the indicators show they should have won, and lost a total of twelve house seats and six senate seats (five without Zell Miller). After all the gains of 2000, in just three short years, McAuliffe has produced only a growing number of losses. If he were a head coach of any team, he would certainly be fired now, if he had not already been.
How were the Democrats planning on winning this election anyway? They barely campaigned in Arkansas and Missouri, both Clinton states that could have potentially gone for Kerry. They barely campaigned across the south. They did not even put up a fight in North Carolina, the home state of the Vice Presidential candidate. Outside of the states which Gore won in the year 2000, The Dems only really tried in Florida, Ohio, Wisconsin, Nevada and New Hampshire. Did they really expect to win this election spending so much time just trying to salvage states that Gore had won, and so little trying to actually change the way other states voted? If so, then that is just further reason that it is time for Terry McAuliffe to go.
McAuliffe does not need to be kicked out of the democratic party, but it is time for someone new to take over. Or should we give him a third chance? Maybe his third time around he’ll lose enough seats so that the Republicans can have the sixty votes needed to break a filibuster. Is that what we want?
McAuliffe has shown that he should be kept around, he is good at improving the ground game and similar logistical issues. However, he has also proven himself inept when it comes to campaigning and helping the Democrats to actually win an election. It is time for a change.
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
If This Were Deadjournal....
Current Mood: overjoyed/glum (insert random moving smiley face here)
Current Music: Rediscovering Smashing Pumpkins :)
Soooo...... We are finally seniors!!!!!!!! Yeah!!!! Heart heart heart <3!!!!!143
well, first, there is the obvious, college aps. Im sooooo stressed out! but like it is a like wierd kind of stressed out. cuz its like, im soooo stressed, but yet, i just dont care about anything or anyone anymore cuz i just no it doesnt matter nemore. but my teachers rock like totally hardcore, so its all chill ya know.
sports..... omg theyre awesome! :)
froshies are such skanks, like woa.
i just totally dig how we are so all like coming together as a grade and i think it is great that we are all just a big happy friends family now it rocks
so yeah 2005, we rule and dont ever change. its our last year so make it a excellent one cuz were awesome and we so totally deserve it. just dont do anything really dumb cuz thatd suck ok?
That was not an insult aimed at anyone in particular, just an observation of our grade.
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
Footloose
Just a quick entry, because I just thought of something. Now first, so that you can get the added affect of knowing what I was thinking about when I realized this, I will tell you what I was doing immediately before this realization: I was defining the word "conundrum" for someone, and then talking about how some people do not like big words.
Now, for the realization...
Is it just me or did this year's first day of school prank remind me of Footloose? You know that song, "somebodies eyes are watching (doo doo doot)"? Well, isn't that the message of those people who did the prank? I think that the prank had a hidden message, based on this latest realization coupled with the fact that it was just last year that our own theater company put on the show Footloose... The prank-ers were actually telling us to pay more attention to the fine arts! They were telling the Wayland students that we should learn and focus on the arts now, so that they are not lost by the future generations! And since their message is so clearly benign and meant to better the world, those individual members of 2k4 should therefore tell us who they are, and not be punished for their artistic display, but rewarded for their focus on the arts and their efforts to improve mankind!
Sorry, just a little glimpse into the way my brain works,
JMAL
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Summer Homework
While I sit here and attempt to do some AP chem work, I ponder: what is the purpose of giving summer homework? I think I have, after hours of long thought (AKA the amount of time it took me to type that last sentence), devised a solution to my own ponderance.
Obviously, summer work began out of a giant conspiracy theory. I am gonna blame this one on the Republicans and Nixon, because they make good targets. I have no doubt that Nixon came across the idea of summer homework one day when he heard a high-school-age child state in early June "I hate homework, thank goodness it is nearly summer, because then we wont have any homework to do!" Nixon immediately realized the great potential for power and political gain in summer homework. However, as of yet, he did not have a reason to unleash his newest great weapon, so he just sat on the idea for a while. The need for the new weapon did not arise until Nixon realized that his second term as president would be cut short, for he would have to retire due to his role in the Watergate scandal. Summer work would play out into his plan thusly: Nixon, always devoted to his right leaning Republican party, sense that his party would take a great hit in the polls as a result of this scandal. He knew that, in order for the Republicans to remain a power player in congress, he would need a strategy more universal and more effective than his famed "Southern Strategy", and one which would survive for many long years to come. Nixon also knew that young voters, those under the age of 25, were, as they still are today, predominantly left-leaning. He hypothesized, however, that unhappy young people would never turn out to vote come November. And then he remembered, kids love summer because there is no homework! If he could ruin that part of the summer, he would lower the moral of 17-25 year-olds enough to make them not vote! (The moral affects of the college and high school summer work would carry over until the person reached age 25, at which point they usually had recovered) Before anyone could wink, he began to secretly enact his final actions as president. Knowing a Republican, Ford, would take over the presidency at least for the next few years, he knew that they had enough time to enact "Operation Un-vote". Nixon informed Ford of what he would have to do, and resigned the next day.
Ford began to spread the word in visits throughout the country that "summer homework really makes those kids brighter." "Oh really," they would reply. "Of course, studies have proved it," and like that, it was done. Word spread over the next two years, and by the time Ford left office, summer homework had become a phenomenon across the country.
And it worked! While it was not enough alone to make up for the ground lost by the scandal, it significantly cut the losses of the Republican party in that election, and the elections to come.
But what about the fact that summer homework doesn't actually work, you ask? The answer to this brings me to part two of the explanation for the original question. You see people, it did not take very long for the teachers to learn that Ford was wrong and that summer homework does not actually make the students brighter, only more miserable. However, the teachers all found that they gained a strange feeling from assigning the summer work. The sadistic teachers all realized that they loved the feeling of unnecessarily assigning hours and hours of work to be done during the one time which is supposed to be sacred in a child's life, the summer. It was a feeling of empowerment, a feeling of strength, a feeling of finally being listened to. The teachers grew to love the feeling. They became addicted to it. It became that all year all a teacher could do was wait and hope for summer to come, so that they could assign more summer work, and each year they assigned more and more to try and feed their addiction. And the addiction simply grew and grew, year by year. The addiction and its growth eventually became a tradition, and the teachers convinced themselves that this act was in actuality a sort of rite of passing, not that they had become addicted as one might to cocaine. With summer work being a rite of passing, and not a drug to feed an addiction to power, teachers had accidentally come across a way to procreate their habit, to give it unknowingly to the younger, would-have-been-nicer teachers. After a few generations of passing on the drug, summer homework, it became an imbedded part of the system. Administrators are unaware of its pointlessness, and teachers' wills are no match for their own addictions. Summer homework is here to stay, and only a long, hard, and massive public awareness campaign to expose the truths I have laid out for you here in this Blog, could ever change that.
Well, thats all for today boys and girls, hope you both enjoyed and learned, and had your thirst for an explanation of the origin of summer homework quenched. Have a nice last day of summer
JMAL
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
My Brain: A Glimpse
So I was scolded today for not writing here often enough, so here I am, writing. I do not have too much to say though, so I will type as the spirit moves me. So I was walking to school today when I saw some people. I was like "yo g, hows it hanging?" Theys be all up in my face after that though, and went all Jillvonia-Davis-style on my ass. Then I punched my assistant principal in the face because I have no IQ. (If you do not go to Wayland and are reading this, ignore those last few sentences).
So I came to a conclusion today. Mandy Moore was infinitely hotter back when she was in the "Candy" video than she is now. You know the one, where she would move her mouth WAY more than necessary to say the words. She was so hot back then. Now she is less hot.
I like the board game Risk. It is very fun. The only problem is it takes approximately 4.382 years to finnish one game, and that is without set up time. And also, no one actually knows the rules to it, so no two people play it the same way. Like WTF mate? Risk and Monopoly. I doubt anyone has ever actually finished either of those games, and if they did, it was over the course of several weeks and the Banker won because he was cheating. Thats a promise.
While I am on the subject, don't you just love people who only talk to you when they want something from you? Like they are all like "oh hey Alex want to give me a ride to DQ and buy me ice cream?" and then the next day you like try to talk to them and they are all like "um, hello, what is your name? Have we met before?" Its like, oh yeah, you are cool, wait, no, DIE!
Hmmmm.... I think Ben Blum has a girlfriend. I find that interesting. I'll have to ask him about it.
Senior prank 2004: better or worse than the "you've been tea bagged by 2002"? Discuss amongst yourselves. IQ-wise, I have to say that 2002 wins, simply because their prank was retarted but did not involve people getting arrested. But seriously, how dumb a prank is this? Writing in soap "2004 rules" on the windows? Yep, you sure are clever Leard. Nice work Dylan. You're a genious Tichnor. And didn't they know that pulling a fire extinguisher out of its case sets off the alarm and alerts the police and fire? I mean, seriously, this was all around one of the dumbest "pranks" I have ever heard of. I sure as hell hope my grade doesn't do something this retarted next year, for the sake of our own legacy.
If you were to "smoke the dog" except with a dog which already acts like what a stoner dog would act like if such a thing existed, how would the dog react? I am curious.
I am getting really jittery and shaky now, and I am not sure why, but it is making typing challenging and is kind of frightening, so I think I will have to cut this post short a bit and try to go fix my body. So I think I am now out.
Sra, I hope you enjoyed the politics-free entry
JMAL
Thursday, June 03, 2004
Some Thoughts
Hello all. It has been a while. I sort of feel like writing, I also feel obliged to update, being that it has almost been a month since my last post. I have been asked a few times to update, also, including one "some of us hang on your every entry", and after that, I truly must oblige. However, this will be much more a stream of thought entry, for I have no inspiration right now or any topic worth writing about.
So, now I will think of things to write about, since I really do not want to be doing homework right now. Today is Sarah's birthday. Happy Birthday to Sarah.
Tenet, the director of the Cia retired today. Its a shame. He claims it was for personal reasons, but nothing has changed to make this a personal decision. A lot of information was released this weekend saying basically that there were some major problems with the CIA pre-911 and pre-Iraq war, and he is would have taken the hit for that if he were still around. The official reports will not be released for a few months though, so he will be too long gone to blame him anymore, and you can not blame the new guy for something that happened before he was in charge. It is too bad though, he was good for the CIA, seven long years of dedicated service and improvements to the organization.
Would anyone care to explain to me how Bush keeps doing this though? He fucks up and someone else takes the blame. He was the one who made Iraq an issue, not any new intelligence. He made it an issue, then looked for the intelligence. Some of the intelligence that they "found" has been very clearly proven to be innaccurate, and now we went into Iraq because of an "intelligence failure". Do people really believe this shit? Ok, so we had some bad intelligence. We have a lot of bad intelligence. Bush decided to act on this faulty intelligence, not the other faulty intelligence. Bush pushed and pushed, and if you didnt support him than you were against national security, you were not patriotic, you did not respect 9/11/01, and you were the scum of the country, the very people we were fighting against. The intelligence was not his (I'm giving him te benefit of the doubt on that one, though, it appears as though all of the bad intelligence came from one person, and it is not unreasonable to think that this one CIA agent may have been placed their by, oh say, Karl Rove), but the movement to go to war, the urgency of going to war, and all of the things I mentioned in the previous sentance were 100% the Bush Administration. But all the blame goes to the CIA, and Tenet has to resign because of it, Bush is scott free.
And who the hell made up all this bullshit about John Kerry is the one who flip-flops? If people would actually research the "facts" that they are sighting, they might, poo poo poo knock on wood, gain some actual knowledge. "I voted for the Patriot Act before I voted against it". Yes, wonderful job to the Bush Administration for finding a truly idiotic thing for Kerry to have said. And it is true, Kerry should have thought a little more before he phrased his statement that way. But there is a reason he voted for the Patriot Act before he voted agaisnt it. But Americans don't give a shit about the facts. They like stories and stupidity. They aren't fans of this so-called "knowledge". Let me tell you all something, and to everyone who this is news for, next time learn more before you form an opinion: Kerry voted for the Patriot Act, the Republican majority in congress CHANGED WHAT THE PATRIOT ACT SAID, then Kerry voted against the new bill, which happened to have the same name as a bill he had voted for earlier. Now, those words in capitols mean somthing. What they mean is that Kerry did not "flip-flop" at all, he was voting against a new, changed, different bill. When Bush was vehemently opposed to setting up the now famous senate 9-11 commission, for months he opposed setting up the committee, and then eventually gave up when he realized that he could oppose it no longer and became a supporter of the formation of the commission, now that is a legitimate "flip-flop". Too bad it happened to the wrong candidate.
Moral of the paragraph: read, educate yourself, then make opinions.
School is almost over. Can not wait for summer. Trying hard to not have to take a final on that thursday, and that argument is actually coming along pretty well, but I'm not yet sure if it will succeed. I hope it does though. That would be incredible.
"Just keep going through the motions."
College would be nice right about now. But no. We have "school" first. We have "classes". We're still "juniors". Damnit. Oh well, at least we are one year closer than the sophmores.
Why has the weather been so messed up this week? It rains, becomes 75° and sunny, then it rains again, then back to the 75°. Except, that is all within the same hour. I don't understand. I feel like we are on the set for "The Day After Tomorrow".
Ok, I'm about out of time now. Somewhat stream-of-thought-y. I appologize for the angry rant up towards the begining. But i needed to say it, and it was quite fun to type. Life's been good for me lately. Hope all you "Blog" readers enjoyed the entry.
peace out thugs
JMAL
Monday, May 10, 2004
Socially Oriented Random Musings
I wonder some times, why do I write in here at all? It appears to me that (not to make a gross rediculous over-exaggeration or anything) all high school students live the same lives. Reading over my alleged friends webjournals recently has lead me to this conclusion. At times I feel like they are stealing my thougts and writing about them as their own. As someone who tries not to follow the stereotypes and to stand out a bit in a crowd, it bothers me to know that I am much more similar to everyone else than I trick myself into believing. This is not because I think I am better than anyone (except republicans), or worse, for that matter, just because I want to be different.
But to elaborate on the use of a term in the above paragraph which many of you probably simply over-looked: "Alleged friends". I use the term "alleged friends" whenever I am talking to someone who would not fall into that category or would not regularly converse with someone in that category. But examine your relationship with me, reader. Are we really friends? Or are we merely acquaintances? A friend is someone you can trust. A friend is someone you can turn to. A friend is someone who will be there for you regardless of how shitty a day he or she may be having. A friend is a weighty term, not to be taken lightly. An acquaintance is anyone else. So I ask again, are you my friend? Do you want to be? Day by day, I feel the number in the "friend" category declining while the number in the "friendly acquaintance" category grows. "Friendly acquaintance" is the term most similar to what I mean by "alleged friend". I wish I had less of those, and more real friends. But perhaps I should be careful what I wish for.
In other news, I have come to a conclusion it has taken me all to long to come to. I need to move on. I now have the sole requirement, and I will have completed the process of moving on by mid-Thursday. It may sound silly, but that is a promise. My mind works in unique ways.
Camp is way to far away. I am so sick of this stinky rotten hell-hole. I need college to start like tomorrow. The school year drones on, and, despite having a more active social life of late, the more I do, the more I socialize, the more I do things which I enjoy the most, the more disinterested I become. I feel myself in social situations talking and laughing, having a jolly good time, but what I am feeling at times is just a miserable-ness, and a wanting to flee the situation forever. Not always do I feel this way, but often enough to frighten me.
I wish I could end this entry on a happy note, say something uplifting, or even something half interesting. But nothing comes to mind, so I will leave you with a reference only one person will understand, and that person will never even read this entry anyways.
"Now, is that the rules as stated by the 'Superdogs! Superjocks! Senate Governing Council,' or by Will Gaunt?"
